Would your marriage survive another man in it?

robert-downey-jr-iron-man-3
I have been looking for a reason to use a shot of the fabulous RDJ in this blog. Finally!

I confess, I’ve been consorting with another man for the past five months. We have a standing assignation most Sundays. He’s fairly miraculous. With a good dose of intelligence. Does well in a fight too – you should see him take on the tax collectors. The Romans gave him a bit of a scare, but he sure showed them three days later. Forget RDJ and Iron Man. Resurrection Man.

Which prompted me to think: how’s a husband to cope? It’s a question I’ve been asked a few times. How is the Big T and my new relationship with Resurrection Man?

Let’s be clear, If it wasn’t for the Big T, the Resurrection Man and I would never have made first base. Big T was the one who reminded me about Peter being asked three times when I first had that dream. Through my wobbly moments when I’ve been ready to chuck in the towel, he has gently dropped in his own brand of wisdom. His own less than positive experience growing up didn’t prevent him from observing the positive in mine.

The joke is, almost 18 months ago, Big T mentioned a few times that he wouldn’t mind going back to church. Out of the two of us, he accepted God and Jesus – whilst I still observed them through a religious hangover. So, whenever he mentioned church, I would be Switzerland. I am blessed that, rather than being equally non-committal with me, he quietly held the space for me to figure it out.

I believe Resurrection Man has actually helped our marriage. Not that it was in any serious strife before, but there has certainly been some edge smoothing. We are both products of divorce, so had every reason to avoid the institution of marriage based on what we had observed as children. Whilst neither of us articulated it, the unspoken part of our marriage has been that divorce – especially having two children – is not an option. Even when our backs are against the matrimonial wall, when it could be easier to scramble over it in a short-sighted bid for freedom, a small, insistent voice says to us both, “Hold Goddammit. Stick.”

I think we all, in our relationships, fall short of 1 Corinthians 13 4-6: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

Yet Resurrection Man has reminded me of the beauty in my husband. The grace of a big bloke who loves whole-heartedly, unashamedly, and has fought demons to become the man I am so incredibly proud of today. The everyday irritations and resentments dissolve when examined from the perspective of Resurrection Man. How can I not embrace the joy in my own relationship when faced with the outpouring of love that Resurrection Man offers? Blessed with His love and sacrifice, I can do nothing else.

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